Florence, SC people are Touchy

It seems Florence, SC is in an uproar over a recent article written by a B-list author for their site... Page 2 by Jeff Pearlman... Whose picture seems extraordinarily large for the size of this post.

Now, I am not one to be in the business to bash what is a piece of shit collection of hotels that solely exists as a break from driving from DC to Miami.... Or as my father knows it... The place to get a stop off the road and get a Maurice's BBQ Sammich. But Florence is certainly not a locale of Kings... Or Even Pimps. Rent easily dips to the high $200's for a trendy condo. The Atlanta Bread Company is considering closing due to the general populous finding it to be 'just too much for us Florencers'... And nevermind their thoughts on the available wireless network at the gourmet sandwich establishment.

So why the uproar?

Apparently, ESPN beat writer Jeff Pearlman feels that Florence is a destination suited for downtrodden hicks living in pieced together doublewides... while they sell drugs off their front porch and pop babies out in between hits from a joint...

Tuesday, January 8, 2008
Updated: January 10, 1:48 PM ET
From a Benz to a bike

FLORENCE, S.C. -- His bicycle, naturally, is red. Not brown or black or forest green or any of the 2,000 other hues that generally fail to catch the eyes of passers-by. It is red. Somehow, in the drearily colored life of Clayton Holmes, this makes perfect sense. Were his bike, say, gray, Holmes would more easily slip into the backdrop of the east side of Florence, a downtrodden section of a downtrodden city littered by double-wide trailers, wayward drug dealers and the shattered Budweiser bottles, used condoms, McDonald's wrappers and crumpled newspapers that seem to pock each dirt road and cement walkway. Although as a boy Holmes was raised in a trailer at 1018 West Harmony St., the only harmonious element to Florence's poor neighborhoods is the occasional crooning from drunk and cracked-up men on particularly jovial nights. "Florence," says Clinton Holmes, Clayton's younger brother, "can bring any person down. We're talking about a very, very negative place."

And it gets worse. Pearlman illustrates (however accurately) the typical Florence, SC resident with regards to the fatherly ability of Clayton Holmes....

Don't Blame Me... This was the first picture to pop up on a Google Image Search of Clayton Holmes.... I'm not sayin' but I'm just Sayin'. But I know you are asking, and my favorite is the one with his shirt off. And I bet it's Clayton's too.

"Here's the truth," he says. "Most fathers would be like, 'I have to take care of my kids, and it doesn't matter how I go about that.' I don't have that drive. I'm just being honest -- it's not there for me. I feel a connection with my kids but not an urgency." Holmes takes a deep breath. He is wrong, and he knows it. "I have not been a good father to my children. I was a lousy husband."

Lousy husband, eh... and PROUD OF IT.... And so this is why we have the 'Baby' Daddy Crisis in America. But hey, at least he's being honest. Degenerate.

Though don't take my word for it... Plenty of people are interested in getting in on this debate.

Personally... Florence is just a mini-Cabrini Green or a small Newport-News.

So, it has been established that Florence is truly not a haven for the sanctified... Now what is to be done?

Well... Ovvbiously it is up to those in charge of this dump that presents itself as a shithole that represents a hole to clean itself up from being a hole that presents itself as a shithole that is quite possibly one of the biggest dumps in South Carolina... And I thought that honor belonged to Orangeburg... Or perhaps that was the Armpit of the South.

Just a few bits of tid to throw out there on this Florence, SC story...

Notice the # of College graduates... Also note the grand minimum is just a Bachelors

% of Blacks in South Carolina... Note Florence County

% of Blacks in America who are black

And now at the very least we need to shed our perspectives of Florence.

By far, the best restaurant in this haven of drugs is the Red Bone Alley. Whether it is combining some of the more fantastic shrimp caught locally in our Myrtle Beach domain with a secret recipe of cheese grits, or lumbering down a back road where thousands of horror films have been shot to squander up some of the better South Carolina Sausage outside of Male-o-Rama... they make up some truly wonderful local dishes in one of the more unique atmospheres in the region, much less the Florence quarantine.

While the factory business in South Eastern America is slowly dwindling, certain industries have found their way in slave laboring their way into fortunes upon fortunes... I bring you... The Children's Dental Clinic of Florence on Irby St. Part of the Small Smiles Mill... err.. .Corporation... Yeah... What is that great saying Gene Shallot used to say?... Buyer beware?... In this case it's Drillee Beware.

And.. Ummm... Err... Outside of maybe a shitty minor league baseball team... There really isn't a hell of a lot to do in Florence.. And even less of a reason to live in that chlamydia infested hell hole.

So.. We'll turn our attention to Maurice's BBQ... One of the greater charms of South Carolina outside of the Grand Strand.. In addition to 'Clempson' fans, and The awful traffic that is Hilton Head 278. Perhaps tomorrow though.


But make no mistake about it... The place is, and still remains 'Downtrodden'.