Apparently God Whiffs.

As amazing as it seems.... Living God... Brett Favre did succumb to the Cloverfield monster and his extremely long tail... Brett Favre crumpled under the vice that has plagued Brett Favre for 15 years, being Brett Favre... Aside from the fact that the Green Bay Packers... A cold weather locale... have a team that would be better placed in Tampa... This game falls on Justice League member and universal county magistrate - Brett Favre. It's too bad, but unfortunately not suprising. However, I feel that he will live to fight another day. Or millennium. Still... Somewhere Peter King weeps.

But the greatest highlight of the weekend had to be the cinematic event that unfortunately rid the world of many gorgeous women in New York with very long legs. And the masses approved.

Cloverfield.

But again... according to some of those people... God and Ghandi has whiffed again. We are, of course, perplexed, but then again we are not overall-wearing, cud chewing, pink polo collar popping Americans... But pakistanis... And so of course we loved Cloverfield.

As it is well documented, we truly appreciate the Monster Genre with a vigor not saved for anything except Lifetime Dramas... But always have a bit of skepticism when it comes to them... One of our greatest disappointments was the remake of Godzilla a few years ago... Quite possibly one of the greater tragedies of our life... right next to our mom catching us wanking for our first time and being our first introduction to Blue Balls.

But this one seemed different. And it was. Blair Witchy... But a bit more nauseating... making the pitcher of margarita's we downed prior to viewing this film sit uncomfortably well with the greezy butter popcorn and cherry cokes we destroyed during the fifty minutes of previews and shitty excuse for a new Star Trek prologue... I'm not too big on prologues unless they involve the Mattimeo or Redwall Series... Take this one as a reason to avoid them...

But in between us dabbing our eyelids with a Puffs Plus, we really were brought back into Monster Movies. The monster, while mysterious was actually creative, scared the shit out our lady friends, and finally differed from something resembling a green looking human.

We thought that the style of cinematography worked well for this particular film, but could not tell you how many times we felt that it should be accompanied in a double feature sort of fashion like Quentin Tarantino's Grindhouse with a standardly shot blockbuster version of the film to follow it... But maybe we just wanted to see more of the monster...

Which brings me to the thousands of movie goers who pu-pu-platter the movie and talk about how many times they vomited during the short 80 minutes the film ran. What were the masses expecting? Every preview exhibited shoddy camera work, poorly-and intentionally foggy-special effects, and a first person perspective. The idea was to put the audience in the dark... And perhaps the idea was to keep the audience disappointed. In fact, I only believe that the last scene with Hud filming the monster was not authorized by JJ Abrams, but the American public... as the movie would have been completely decried by all sects and religions for being a total waste of the shittily valued American dollar.

But we were entertained. We thought that a monster just destroying any and everything for no real apparent reason or political agenda was brilliant... And we can only wonder just how many of our precious natural resources were wasted battling an invincible monster and how many innocent lives were demolished because apparently it was more important to destroy this monster than it was to protect the civilians.... I wonder if America sent out a siren in Fallujah before they leveled the terrorist infested shithole... oh wait.

So.. Consider Cloverfield Viewed... Judged... And Considered Glorious....

It still left a great number of questions unanswered... Where did the monster come from? Surely not from the sky as was in that pathetic last minute clip after the credits... And what was his pitching velocity in throwing the head of the Statue of Liberty all the way down 5th Avenue. I'm guessing 118 mph.

And Consider this Spectacular. July 18, 2008.